Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
