So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
