In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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