hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
