there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
