As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
