I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i dont even know how to be here
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
