when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
