Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
