i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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