My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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