I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
