You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
