If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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