I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
