this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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