I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
