Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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