He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
