Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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