I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
