Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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