don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
