I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
