If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize