Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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