Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
