Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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