i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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