Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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