In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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