I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
