i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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