listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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