She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
