i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
