the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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