now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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