You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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