i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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