Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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