And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
