No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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