I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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