I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
