I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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