Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
