Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nicole vs. Life
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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