So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
