listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I will pee on everything he values.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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