Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
