Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
