I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
