I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
