Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
