That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
