stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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