you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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