ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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