he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
