CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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