The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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