...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
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So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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