: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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