Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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