it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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