he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
