What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
