DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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