So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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