Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
