I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize