I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
