weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
