after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
