She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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