Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
