I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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