If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
