My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
