I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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