If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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